I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
