true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
