Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize