i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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