I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
