This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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