Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
