and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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