Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
