and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
