RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Boobs speak an international language.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
