Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I AM VODKA MAN
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
