doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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