I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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