so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
