lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
