i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
