I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
