i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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