i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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