i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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