I hate all girls vehemently.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
