I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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