First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
