i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
