Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
