My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My hand turned me down
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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