Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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