Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
