This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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