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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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