On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
