I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
