he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
