Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
