I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
