True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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