I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize