I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
