I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
