It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Boobs are out for the taking
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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