I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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