Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
