Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
