i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
