Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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