We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
