someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
