these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
