So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
