Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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