plz talk dirty to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
