Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
