Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize