Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
