3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
