Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There's even glitter on my cock...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
