I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
