I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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