Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
