So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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