the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
