I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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