I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
