if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
