I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
