erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
