hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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