I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've blown a few things in my day
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My vagina just recognized that song.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
