Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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