the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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