Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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