Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she peed on how many people?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
