this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
