if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
