It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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