This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
