I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize