I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
