its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
